you want heart?!
I remember a friend of mine saying something about my heart..how I shouldn't lose it.
I know my heart is there; I know its not doing so well either. Another thing I have found as well is that no matter how far I fall away He's always at the back of my mind. I know He is real and that is not the problem. He's always there I always know it.
So have I lost heart? I don't know, maybe I have. Yet there is always a glimpse of hope, whether or not I take it is the only variable because I know it will be with me till the very end.
I haven't talked like this in a while, could be because I am affraid what I will reveil or what I will find for myself or inside myself. Blogging to me is a place of discovery. I find things about myself that I have never known or thought of before. I could have just been avoiding. But there I don't know if there is a lot to avoid or it just seems like it. Actually there is a lot to avoid; so many problems and so many hard times. There are just so many elements to life and to relationship.
I have an idea; well maybe its an idea about a fact. I have realized that when its off to camp and highness; I don't believe that its all just a high and it can't last forever. I mean its always said that you have to get back to the "REAL" world. As if I say. That is real man. Another thing that is real is society and what it does to people; christian people. Personal story: I go to camp and I can evade temptation I can lose it and walk with God and get past it. I come back to the so called "REAL" world and it falls and temptation breaks in and takes whatever it pleases. This could be why I long for seclusion with God. To be where there is no media to be where there is no pressure other then the pressure of actual life. The reason I say that a place such as camp is actual life is because really was it ever supposed to be different then the garden. Two people; naked living in the jungle. How simple. Now it is crazy and society driven, media driven, money driven. Driven by things that are not of God. Isn't it just that we ARE supposed to be separate from it. Separate yourselves from TV from Temptation from whatever it is that takes over; that taints us. Society is filled with it. I mean we have to affect people but really do we have to live; ACTUALLY live in societies world? Is it even the so called "REAL" world or just a bunch of crap that covers what truely lies underneath.
Taking that into view I don't want to have anything to do with society because it seems that society is what drives my sinful nature what drives all the wrong things about me. Society feels as if it can paint me black. So I feel that I can live without it, live a better and good life without it; following what I want and need to is it that I am truely not what I want to be or can only be so in a certain environment? I know that we can't be in that environment which could perhaps be why they call it something other then the real world. What about affecting the people that are secluded? Or do we just live separate in the same place?? Make sense? I think both rock. So hard though. Just think about it. Live separate. Here or there. Maybe some people hopefully like myself are just meant to live in a different place; maybe its not just being set a part but; you can do that in any place right? Hopefully I am meant to be gone. Live somewhere else. Being set a part; just sounds so familiar. Is there a purpose for suffering then or is it just self implicated.
I might have lost myself in that paragraph, there are just so many ideas. Big ideas to reflect on: SEPARATING yourself, that's huge. Just location, location, location. Maybe that could be it. Probably not, but sometimes it feels like it. I think we can learn from it though. Get separate and secluded; there is huge spiritual Jesusness in nature and seclusion and learn how to stay SET A PART when you get back into the Twenty First Century.
to be continued...
3 comments:
"Society feels as if it can paint me black" wow Shaun, I love the imagery here. I know exactly what you're feeling. There is always going to be a tension inside. Wanting to seperate yourself from the sin in you. I think you would find sin even if you were far away from temptation. Go find a desert and live there for 40 days, I'm sure Satan will seek you out there too! It's a tough road we're walking. There's a lot of rocks and snakes trying to trip us up. We need to be innocent and wise. Clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. Seek out good counsel from good men. You will find you are not alone in the least!
Bless ya man.
Yes, we are called to be set apart. To be in the world, yet not of it. But we are called to be that way right where we are...in our daily life and in society. Not that that makes it easy! He won't let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. God's grace is sufficient for you!
It is good for you to share your thoughts Shaun. Hope these reminders from the Word don't sound like I'm preaching at you without hearing your struggles! That's not the case! But it sometimes is really good to hear straight truth in the midst of feeling yucky! You've been called. You can do it. Really seek Him out and what He has for you, right now in the place you are. Don't wait until things are easier, your older, you've moved away, etc. Seek Him out right now!
Shaun you are called out, you are SET APART! Give your Yes to Jesus, He is always the Lifter of Your Head. Even in temptation God is there calling to you, asking you to turn to Him. From personal experience I know that when I'm in sin, or temptation, the last thing I feel like doing is turning to Him...because I know what I look like. But God has such amazing love and grace for us - grace as a gift from God, not an excuse for sin - ...
Anyway, you are awesome my brother! I love you!
If He is for you, who can be against you? We are called to be set apart, HOLY. It is possible, by the grace of God, to live holy in society. It looks weird and different, it's hard and it brings persecution - but just ask God for it. Ask God.
(I'm not sure if that's all on the same track...but there's my verbal barf for the day)
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