there's a groan for ya.

"I need you, I need you here, I need you now, I need security some how.
I need you, your enough for me, your the only thing I want, cause your everthing, everything I need."

-Relient K

Continuing, from that momentary trailing off of sorts. I am distraught and tangled, jumbled and torn.

There is this battle, and it is raging, never ceasing for my affections. With one side, loving me, desiring my affection and my heart and my obedience.

The other side desires my confusion and for me to fall and crumble under its oppression, craving my destruction. In which ever way it can. Lying about God to me, spooing out lies over and over, leading me astray...God is confusing, it is all going to be so painful always...you never know where your going to end up...who knows what God will do with you with all your sin...

...just a glimpse...

I am immature as far as believers go. I know I am. The question is, how mature do I have to be? And this is where the lies begin.

I want to love God as God no one else with that love..but I want other things as well I have other desires which he has placed in me, and I just want to find rest and peace in knowing they are good and that there need not be anymore discussion of it. Can't it just be...

This is my disfunctional and unorganized groan.