not sure what to say

I'm speechless.

The last few posts are obviously pretty interesting. Seems like a slap in the face perhaps. It is kind of lame that this is how it unfolds. But I don't know what else to do I guess. I can't handle all of the pressure or whatever it is that's going on. I just can't. I am sick of talking and there is something inside that just makes me uneasy and gives me a greater distance than that of which we had before we had talked. Something is very wrong I will give you that. I will also again state that this is SPIRITUAL. Whether you think thats all it is would be up to you. However that is what I believe and I am experiencing. I don't know what to do or say and I hate the idea of any type of "accountability" for whatever reasons it would make sense. I hate talking about this. I hate what is going on. One minute though it all sucks it works. With you guys it doesn't. I mean I know you probably won't respond. I realize this seems childish...like pick up the phone already I guess. I can't. So no matter how retarded this seems it is just so. And this isn't just to talk. This is my little safe place so I gotta do what I gotta do. I am sorry to make it so direct and for any offense. I don't know what I am asking, I guess I just can't drop the defense and the guard I have placed up. I just don't know what to do. So I will just be. I will see what gives. Try it out with a bible and friends.