perfect posterboy for love

I love that title. Just beautiful. Kind of awesome as well don't you think? You who the perfect posterboy for love is? Jesus.

I want to tell you something. I don't know what I want to write, and I don't know if I even want to. I will though because I think that Jesus is trying to connect with me, not by blogging at the moment. I just feel that He is trying to get at me. He wants me, I guess He is just trying to love me and real me in. I feel a hopelessness without Him you know? I mean it is just crazy.

Yesterday I just felt something. It wasn't good but I felt that it was like a wake up call perhaps. God was just pointing out that I do need Him. So I was like yeah something crazy is going on so I prayed. It got better, I just didn't let it get to me. Right now though I just feel like blah. It's like what is life without Him. However I wish it was easier. I just don't feel that I can get back what I have experienced. I know I can. I know that I haven't lost it necessarily I'm just ignoring it. Man.

A few feelings I am feeling right now. Dread of school. Blahness. Hopelessness. Boredom. Lack of purpose. Insignificance. What else. I wish it would be easier mostly. Just wishing and hoping and sitting. Sad to say.

What is it that is holding me back? I just don't know. I mean it has to be in the heart right? At the same time my heart seems to have the right intentions deep inside, though I mean that can't be the case. If my heart was completely on the right track I would be doing great right about now right? Sheesh. I don't always like feelings and heart and all that stuff. Simple! I want simple. Though it is right? Jesus loves us and died for us and we need to accept Him and live for Him and love Him....that is the just kind of right? Well it can be considered simple but it doesn't feel so simple.

Simple and simple and easy and easy. My title doesn't make much sense does it? Well it looks good at least eh? Well either way. I want some and I want it now but I want to do limited things to get it. Though that sounds extremely selfish and horrible, that is how I feel. There is so much going on and I can only know so much. That's that. Nothing else to add.