it hurts to think that you can't help yourself
I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew what to say. If I could only get out of this. If I could only get out of this I would be the happiest man alive. I would jump up and down. That's not working...I don't feel I can help myself. I feel paralyzed. I feel that this depression will last forever, that I will no longer be myself. I want to change, and I'm sick of the hurt..but what do I do about them? Their hurt can only hurt me. I don't know where to go or where to turn. I am so alone, I have no one to talk to, no one to comfort me. I am sick of this. I am tired of the power he has. I am sick of the hate that is stirring, he is crushing me and it hurts. It hurts bad. I don't like what I've become. I don't like what is coming, I don't like what I've done. I don't like you and I don't like what your doing. I don't like when you don't care. I don't like when you need to know. I don't like when you feel hurt by nothing. I don't like when you are so sensitive. I don't like how it goes. Most of all I don't like how you steal from me. I don't like how you take what I have worked for the hardest, what I have longed for the most. I don't like you, and I don't like what your doing. I would love to kick and scream and to even kill you. I think that you are scum and you are not worthy of life, and you are not worthy of taking life. And I condemn you for it.
3 comments:
Shaun, sounds like things are pretty tough. I pray that you would feel a lift of the heaviness that you have been feeling. I pray that the Holy Spirit would be so very close and near to you right now. I pray a cover over the steps forward that you have made and claim them for Jesus. They will not be lost! I know what you need, only God can fill, but a little sibling time would help, eh??? See you on friday, bud. Call anytime. I'll try to call soon!
I'm praying for you.
I know how you feel. I went through a lot of the same thing. Your words are very accurate.
I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were doing. I believe God will never leave you and when you call His name He will come and protect you from the condemnation and attack that you feel. I have also taken anti-depressants for many years (not anymore) and they helped me a lot. I don't know if that's an option for you but something to consider. God loves you a lot!
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