an abrupt confession

Here it comes. Raining softly down upon my weak head. I'm weary. I long for placement. Oh how I would love to be comforted. But can I be comforted? Or is it just something I long for? Who can comfort me? Can any human come close? My Jesus. I need Him. I desire His close touch, His beauty to overflow through me. This sounds like a poem, a dream? Or maybe a fantasy. Or maybe just random thoughts or fretful and ridiculous banter which is utterly faithless and untrue. What am I doing this for? Why don't I just go for it? Why do I long for something that I have rejected? Something I have denied? The one PASSION of my soul. The love which He wants from me. I am utterly insignificant to His beauty, to His accomplishment, and to His plans. Yet He wants me. There is no greater longing in His heart then for His capture of my heart. When will He capture me full-heartedly I don't rightfully know. I hope soon. I hope He doesn't leave anything left, nothing for me to hold onto, nothing for me to hold back. I don't know what I have felt or thought these last 16 years of my life. But I hope for clarification. I hope for a great REVIVAL! I think I have lost the thunder which I have measured. "The big run around".