mhmm
I guess all I can say is - back to the basics?
I honestly don't know where God is. I don't know this leaves me. I don't know much of anything right now concerning that matter/situation.
It has a lot to do with no foundation. It also has to do with a lack of passion, and the fact that others have had to much of an affect on what I believe. I feel I need to believe something or everything.
What I ask is what should I know - Love?
Isn't love what I am supposed to know, when you follow through with a relationship with Christ which is obviously based on love, then things should fall into place.
Love is the key. Without love there is nothing. Without love there is no relationship. The most important thing is love yes this is even biblical. YAY!
I need to know what I believe. I need to know how I view God and I need to view Him in the correct way. This is all that is important.
If you don't have this relationship - the correct view of God. Then you don't have anything. I need this for myself. I need to be able to stand alone in it. It is personal before all else. I overlooked this.
I need to want this for myself. I need to need it for me. Why is there such a lack of wanting.I hate wanting to want. I hate it.
And screw the idea of it being a season. I can't. Something has to happen here. In me, for me, I need to have affirmation within me of God and I.
I just don't know what the heck is going on.
God = perfect love.
This must be true for anything I have said or anything the bible says to matter.
It has to be.
I need to realize the necessaries and I need to have them affirmed. I need to know what's important.
Love
My heart
Nothing is right right now...dangit. I don't know how it's ever supposed to matter again. I don't know how it is ever supposed to work or feel again. I don't know how to make it right. I don't know what it is supposed to look like.
What is this relationship supposed to look like. What is the end result, what is actually important. What is the truth, and what matters.
Mhmm....I don't know.
2 comments:
Your sentence "I hate wanting to want" reminds me of a phrase that we've often come back to as a prayer. Jesus, I long to long for you. I want to want you.
Good questions about your heart.
I think you also have to realize that your not always gonna feel a passion and drive to know Christ. Like in any love relationship sometimes it takes hard work and you aren't going to want to. So long as you know it's really worth it in the end, that'll help you through.
And no one is perfect... I mean, I just got out of a really really rough patch in my life where I was upset and a bit angry with God. And I'm not talking a couple weeks, this went on for months...
It's natural is what I'm saying. And I just want you to know your not alone.
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