sometimes I wonder: what if

You lie through your teeth. You smile in your sleep.

That is a line from Silverstein's Song: Smile In Your Sleep.

I know there is more than all that we experience. All that we encounter and live for here on earth. I know that there is a lot more beyond what we have or don't have or what we run into.

Running into the wall and falling down past recovery. There is not even such a thing. Our emotions rule our being. I am so entirely guilty of this. Our emotions are so important I must add but I have seen such-logical and theologic people with no spiritual or emotional connection to God. Well either that's how they are or what they look like. It has been the affect that they have had upon me. It was this that has caused my mind and heart to long for something else. I always wanted to be emotional and not logical perhaps. At the same time however I am discovering how much we need it. For instance, we need the word to guide not just our instincts. Above all we need God to guide us. He uses the bible to do that as well as words and emotions, really anything He choses. I assume that is one of the reasons that I have fallen into the traps that I have. Concerning emotion. If I don't thrive on it I feel like I can't survive, as if my relationship with God was purely emotional and invisible...I wouldn't say invisible but when there has been a lack of intense intimacy or thrill in my relationship with Him it hasn't thrived. I mean we need intimacy with God all the time I do believe, but the type of intimacy may change at the stage or point in your life and relationship.

I am totally not ever going to be done going through and trying to simplify all that God is and how He works and makes me feel. Feelings and emotion and everything they are just all so confusing yet so simple all at the same time yet when you try explaining them it is so very hard.
Just crazy feelings and I don't ever know what to say. Here it is though; I want to be so certain and confident that regardless of any variable or obstical that I will love God, and follow Him-whatever that all intails.

This leaves us with very little wonder perhaps.

Never anything new over here I guess, just too many details and not enough hardcore.